it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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