Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
