News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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