I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
