I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
