i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
