We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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