The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
