Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
