Cold hands, warm shart.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Is Oprah even human
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
