It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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