I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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