Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
