you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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