Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
