just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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