I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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