low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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