...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
