who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
