does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
