Your tits are I can't wait for
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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