So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As shirtless as possible
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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