You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
