I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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