she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And then my night got REAL pukey
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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