In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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