Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
