apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
