They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
