I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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