im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
