My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
