I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
