wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
