Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
