Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
