My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
