Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
