you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
