When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
