you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
