How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
