imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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