Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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