I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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