when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
