I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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