tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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