Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
