I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
