I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
