Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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