REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
